How “Growing Pains” Prepare You For Your Purpose

Shanell Lamere:

You're listening to What She Grows Through, a podcast dedicated to empower and uplift Black women to grow their self worth. I'm your host, Shanell Lamere one of many dope Black women creating a community for us to pour into and align with one another, uncovering our true feelings from sexuality to self love, to begin growing through life and evolving into our best authentic self. Let's get started.

Shanell Lamere:

[0:00:49]What's up, beautiful? It's your girl, Shanell Lamere back again with the latest episode of the What She Grows Through podcasts. How are you in this moment, really? I hope you're doing well and thriving in this wild world of ours. As for me, well, you can see I kind of taken a little break, and honestly, this year has been one hell of a ride. I can't believe I made it this far, honestly. But today I want to get deep with you.

Shanell Lamere:

[0:01:26]The topic that I want to talk about is growing pains and how this is showing up in my life and how, if you're currently growing through these, like me, I have some gems for you to continue pushing through. So on his journey of life, if you truly want to get the most out of life, you have to do the work right? And who you want to be may not align with who you are now or how you were going through life.

Shanell Lamere:

[0:01:58]That's when you begin to get really self aware. And I'm finding out that I'm skilled in this area. I'm currently learning about human design and understanding my birth chart and all that. And I like this new tool of learning more about me. All these titles be having me in the headlock, and I want to do them all. I see my path. I envision it very clearly. The thing is, I'm trying to be mindful of how I get there, trying to choose the best route for me and my children.

Shanell Lamere:

[0:02:39]And when we begin discovering new things about ourselves, whether it's positive or negative, it can kind of be overwhelming. At least that's the feeling that I tend to get most of the time. The women that we knew ourselves to be is now expanding. And isn't that beautiful, though? Have you ever heard the analogy or example of the rubber band? Like, once expanded, it can never go back to his original form.

Shanell Lamere:

[0:03:11]Everything that I've been through, everything that I experienced, I can't go back. And it's hard to accept at times. We literally have to do so. Some mental adjustments to accommodate this new, expanded or evolved version of ourselves. And this shit is hard. Like, I want to scream right now, but I told you it's currently 2:58 in the morning, and I can't do that. But this is me, and this is what it means to experience growing pains psychologically, those same ways that kids grow through physical growing pains, personal development can cause emotional growing pains.

Shanell Lamere:

[0:04:01]It's the discomfort in it all and if you've been listening to past episodes, you know I say this a lot, that getting comfortable, being uncomfortable is so necessary in your growth. Like, it's in these times, in these moments where we have to do some real life inner work. And with that comes with taking care of ourselves and looking to become more self aware and understanding that there's so much more to us, there's so much inside of us.

Shanell Lamere:

[0:04:39]And now I have to go a little deeper and use some big psychology words. But all this uncomfortableness is caused by us thinking outside of the box, outside of our normal levels of thinking. And in return, that can create cognitive dissonance. Now, I'm not going to leave you with this word and not explain it, okay? My coach has been talking about this for a while now in our linked ups. But cognitive dissonance is a word to describe literally the mental discomfort that comes from holding on to two conflicting beliefs, values, or outlooks.

Shanell Lamere:

[0:05:22]And people tend to look for consistency in their attitudes and perception. So this going back and forth between two different views can cause us to feel uncomfortable. In these moments, we have to be real with ourselves. Because the inconsistency between what you may believe and how you show up might have you engaged in actions that will try to help ease that discomfort. Like rejecting or explaining why you're doing what you're doing or maybe not even allowing new information to come in. Like you're not as open minded.

Shanell Lamere:

[0:06:03]Sometimes learning new information can lead to these feelings of cognitive dissonance. Now, I know that was a lot, but an example that I have is maybe you took part in a behavior that you later learned was harmful. It can lead to feelings of discomfort. And people sometimes deal with this by finding ways to justify their behaviors or finding ways to discredit or ignore that new information that would prove that their way of thinking was wrong.

Shanell Lamere:

[0:06:39]But life is about choices, right? The decisions that you make, people make decisions both big and small on a daily. Say you're faced with two similar choices. That's when that feeling can show up. Because both options are equally tempting, it's hard to choose which one. Once a choice has been made though, we have to find ways to lower these feelings of uncomfortableness. After we succeeded with choosing, we start justifying why our choice was the best option.

Shanell Lamere:

[0:07:14] So we can believe we made the right decision right now. Now that I did my best to thoroughly explain this, it all ties into these growing pains, no matter how we might sometimes try to avoid it. Emotional distress is part of the journey and it's important with personal development, with self development. Just like your bones ached as a little girl during a girl spurt. Well, I wouldn't know because I feel like I've been as height since I was like in third grade.

Shanell Lamere:

[0:07:53]But I saw the stress in others, okay? Growing as a mother, as an entrepreneur, as a woman, as a black woman, that psychological pain is part of the process as I continue growing intellectually and emotionally in all these areas. So what about you? Do you feel the pain? Do you feel the discomfort? The beautiful thing about personal growth is that that's the root of it all. We are expanding. We're evolving, em, blossoming, and transforming.

Shanell Lamere:

[0:08:38]It's such a scary process, but it's so dope if you're able to get to that part of your journey. Now, of course, it can be hard because it requires us to make some real life changes around our behaviors, around every aspect of our lives and our attitudes, values, relationships, and our self image. Beginning a growth journey and staying committed to it requires stepping out of your comfort zone and making sacrifices.

Shanell Lamere:

[0:09:14]That means letting go of a lot of old thinking and attitudes and behaviors and maybe even those toxic relationships. It also means keeping your commitments to yourself, being consistent, and holding yourself accountable. And that's a lot to do. And it's a journey in itself to try and stick with. And in my own experience, my personal growth journey has meant shedding so much of what has been holding me back for literally years.

Shanell Lamere:

[0:09:50]I'm at this point in my life now, in this moment, learning to let go of these things, these thoughts and core beliefs, and even a bit of misguided values. You see, up until this year, I didn't even know what my values actually were. I mean, I knew I wanted to be a good person, but again, really taking the time to discover me, I'm slowly evolving to the next level of myself, which is terrifying. And yeah, I'm scared all the time about some stuff, but I'm going to keep showing up, and I'm going to keep doing it over and over again.

Shanell Lamere:

[0:10:33]I think that's my superpower. Now, of course, there are many areas in my life that are expanding, but I just want to share a few of the main ones with you. Now, my first growing pain is entrepreneurship. Like, oh, my goodness, if you haven't already, go check out my work, whether it's on Facebook or Instagram or my website at Shanell Lamere Films or ShanellLamereFilms.com. This is where my passion meets business.

Shanell Lamere:

[0:11:07] Now, this wouldn't have been possible without the help and funding of my first business, Shanell Lamere Enterprises, my commercial cleaning business that allows me to freely show up and create beautiful highlight films in story form. And it's dope, it's doing well, but a business is a business, and I have to be on it with the cleaning business, where right now I'm currently cleaning one of my contracts.

Shanell Lamere:

[0:11:36]Like, talk about grand time, right? It's a struggle, though, and I would be lying if I said my finances is where I would like them. Yes, I have enough to have a small team, but I'm still striving to get to that financial freedom. And I'm on a path to getting that pre pandemic money where I got a taste, I got a little taste of it again, the rubber band example. I got to get back to that. I got to get back.

Shanell Lamere:

[0:12:09]Regardless, I'm growing in this area. I'm learning so much about what goes on behind the scenes of running a business. And of course, I just had to do the most and have to. And hopefully one day I might actually get paid for speaking on this hair platform. But it's coming, though. Entrepreneurship is tough, and it's not for a week. And I've been learning and reading so much on it. A book I would highly recommend as an entrepreneur is the Entrepreneur roller Coaster by Darren Hardy.

Shanell Lamere:

[0:12:49]Game changer. And there he says, the two most important days in your life are the day you were born and the day that you find out why. Now, I'm not going to even elaborate or anything. I'm going to just let it marinate, and you do what you want with that information. But it was dope to me. Now, the second growing pain is motherhood, of course. And I'm going to be real and all my other mamas can feel when I say we have one of the toughest jobs out there, being a mommy top tier shit.

Shanell Lamere:

[0:13:32]It's a huge growing pain for me. My son, he'll be six in November. On one hand, I feel old, but I again, look at it as though I've been in this self discovery journey for at least that long. It's because of my son that I really I really grew. And of course, he had a big part in how I show up today. Yeah, I've grown as a dope, as mommy, where I'm present. We're going places. We're making things, we're talking to each other, we're bonding.

Shanell Lamere:

[0:14:10]But what about all the other things that, as mothers, don't really talk about? The constant cleaning. And after cleaning my building, the last thing I want to do is come home and clean up after some kids. But I still do it. Of course, the tantrums from both for them and myself, just being real here, the gentle parenting, because I was raised completely different, and I recognize my strength and patience in it all.

Shanell Lamere:

[0:14:43]Like all the late nights and early mornings, sometimes I'll find myself just staring off in this space, just trying to find the meaning of it all. Like, God, you really gave me two of these things. That's why cannabis is so beneficial in my life. I need those moments for myself. For me, constantly growing and discovering myself, I'm learning. I am the deeper meaning. I have the highest title there is to create life twice.

Shanell Lamere:

[0:15:19]Of course, some pain is to be expected, right? And don't get me started on a co parenting peace. Like, man, my children's fathers have been really testing my gangsta. But like I said, it's part of the process. As long as I continue to create strong boundaries with them and always have what's best for my child and the inning mine, none of that other stuff really matters because your girl is going to continue to be thorough on her part.

Shanell Lamere:

[0:15:53]Now, the last growing pain that I want to share is just continuing to discover the inner me. It's crazy because I can't even remember how my mind was beforehand. I guess I can look at some of those journal entries from 2015 to look back on, but this constant mindset shift is wild. What was I doing before all of this? I don't know. I feel a new sense of awareness, and it's kind of hard to explain, but I know about digging into these feelings and emotions.

Shanell Lamere:

[0:16:32]Of course there's growth, but there's pain also. Now I'm getting clear on my goals and values and how I want to show up in this world and my vision and how to get there. And that takes a lot of strength because it forces you to really see yourself. And I was going through life not really fulfilled. A big help in my growth is surrounding myself with like minded people and definitely working with a mentor.

Shanell Lamere:

[0:17:07]My coach and other support partners are able to share with me different perspectives of how they may be showing up. And they say, you are as good as the five people that you surround yourself with. Well, I've been surrounded by some dope people making big moves, and it gives me that motivation to keep showing up and going after everything that I want, who I want to be, and the life that I want to live.

Shanell Lamere:

[0:17:36]And by taking those risks comes with a lot of self limiting beliefs that I face constantly on a daily. In a book I read the Big Leap. It talks about upper limiting yourself, where you can sometimes sabotage yourself when great things are happening to you or great things are happening in your life. And man, this is me all the time. I know I can be and have and do all these dope things. And I'm constantly trying to grow through these self limiting beliefs, like the fear of being seen, how I post on socials and then immediately get anxious when it does. Well, I'm being honest. I'm constantly overcoming this.

Shanell Lamere:

[0:18:26] I have so much unreleased content for all my pages. Shanell Lamere Films, What She Grows Through, Shanell Lamere films is crazy, but I'm learning to practice what I preach. I remember telling you to do things, afraid to continue showing up. And there's so much on the other side of fear. Well, discovering who Shanell is is going back to the inside of me. So many grunting pains, right? And I'm putting a lot of work in. I'm educating myself more through books and courses and webinars and just being around some big dogs who are where I aspire to be all these things, working on different areas of my life, growing through many challenges, I learned that I really have a high level of strength and I didn't even know that I had this. But when you're in these situations, that self awareness is key.

Shanell Lamere:

[0:19:31]So how can we power through? How can we get through the painful parts of personal growth and blossom into the women that we're striving to be? There are things that you can do to walk through the discomfort of personal growth and start leveling up your self image and your life. And of course, I want to give you a few gems on how to do so. The first is meeting your pain and discomfort where it's at and say, let's get it. What's up?

Shanell Lamere:

[0:20:07]Maybe personal growth for you means adapting to a healthier lifestyle or meeting a professional goal or maybe even letting go of a toxic relationship. And that's the one for me. There will be some struggle involved in achieving these things. Also, there is some emotional discomfort too with letting go of old, limiting beliefs and honestly squaring up with those thoughts and beliefs that you really need to let go of.

Shanell Lamere:

[0:20:42]But it's hard, right? Personal development often means removing some of the most essential parts of ourselves. It's an uncomfortable but important fact that we live in a society where pain and discomfort or seen as something that needs to be avoided or just not to be talked about at all. And many women grew up with these values taught to them from childhood, including me. They may not see anything wrong with pushing negative emotions away or beating ourselves up about having these negative feelings about certain things in their minds. Living well means feeling good most of the time and avoiding painful experiences as best as they can. Or feeling bad is bad.

Shanell Lamere:

[0:21:34]But it's crucial to recognize that fear, unhappiness discomfort and pain can be the catalyst for growth and learning. Of course, negative emotions don't feel good. They make us feel afraid and stuck and anxious and again, uncomfortable. And it's important though, that we avoid this toxic positivity, though. You know what that is? It's when people have a literal obsession with positive thinking. Like you can't ever be sad or feel these negative emotions at all, even when it's appropriate. In that moment, we cannot be positive all the time.

Shanell Lamere:

[0:22:21]It's impossible. If we're being real, when we can really feel and meet the discomfort and personal growth face to face, facing its reality, we can then grow through it and get to that other side. That's when the magic happens. I'm telling you. So, yes, beautiful. Own your painful part, become aware of it and then set it aside and keep pushing, keep moving forward. When you take responsibility for what is happening in your life, you become a victor.

Shanell Lamere:

[0:23:01]Or is it victor? Something which is so much more powerful than being a victim. And that's when you can start to grow in the direction that you desire. That's when you can begin showing up as the woman that you want to be. Will it be uncomfortable? Yes, it will be. Will it be worth it? Absolutely. That Roth step out of your comfort zone and take those risks past the path to growth. But many of us are afraid, and fear is painful.

Shanell Lamere:

[0:23:42] I just told you, I'm afraid of everything. In truth, the comfort zone isn't about being comfortable at all. It's more like living a safe life where you don't have to take risks or pain. But are you willing to trade the opportunity for growth because you're scared? Because that scared part of yourself is holding you back? Many of us are in so much fear of failure that we rather do nothing than aim at going for our dreams.

Shanell Lamere:

[0:24:19]Don't be that beautiful. Because guess what stands stuck in complacent leads to even more pain. And being in spaces with successful and dope mainly black people, most of them fail plenty of times before they succeeded. Remember, failure is inevitable. You just need to use it wisely and take those tiny steps outside of that zone. That's cool. Just as long as you're just taking them. Just do it, no matter what. Keep pushing through, okay?

Shanell Lamere:

[0:24:59] Okay. So there's this quote by Lisa Vidal. I don't know, but I thought it went perfectly here. And it says, when you want something so badly, you just do it. You don't think about how hard it's going to be. And I thought that was dope. Nice and simple. While doing it can feel like a huge task when you're feeling unmotivated, or in that fear of failure mode, or overwhelmed, or when the hater in your head just won't shut up.

Shanell Lamere:

[0:25:36]Sometimes even the smallest of tasks can seem impossible at times. So before I go, here are a few tips that has helped me to just do it with getting shit done, despite how I may be feeling in the moment. So one, is just breaking it down in a smaller task, if you can. Two, reward yourself when you finally finish, and this is big for me, celebrate those wins. Three, ask for support. It's a game changer.

Shanell Lamere:

[0:26:11] Surround yourself with winners. I guarantee they'll want to help support you in any way that they can. Four, remind yourself how dope and powerful you are and that you can push through. Five, be gentle with yourself when and if you don't make it right away, it's okay. You will get there. You may need a break, but you'll get back to it. And a little bonus is just to keep your focus. Have your end goal in mind, no matter the blockages that may come up in your journey. That's cool. You'll get through them just like you've been doing up until this point.

Shanell Lamere:

[0:26:54] You got this. You're going to feel overwhelmed and depressed that time. Hell, that's me all the time. But that's the important part about growing pains. It's painful, but when you continue on and learn and grow, the mental, emotional and even physical rewards are amazing. Personal development means committing and doing so much hard work and I just so happen to just throw all the other things like entrepreneurship and motherhood in there and it's a lie.

Shanell Lamere:

[0:27:32] A lot of powering through painful feelings of inadequacy fear. And it's comfort of just doing something new and outside of our normal of when we walk through the pain and discomfort, we can get unstuck and out of the shadows and into the space of true freedom where we can blossom and thrive. And of course, we can grow. So I hope you were able to take away some gems from today's episode. Beautiful. This journey is tough, but as long as we continue to grow through it together, we can support each other along the way.

Shanell Lamere:

[0:28:15] So if you like the episode, please rate five stars on Apple podcast and leave me a review. If anything resonated with you, it definitely lets me know if I'm on the right chat. So you can follow me over on IG at what she grows through and subscribe to our channel on YouTube. I'm working on putting way more visuals there, which is going to be so dope like we in there, I'm telling you. I look forward to speaking with you again.

[0:28:46] Shanell Lamere: Until then.